#THE look at you youre all grown up dont look at me cus i gave up

[agostise]

(prematurely) suffering from a “breakup”/separation that won't even be mine

listening to heartbreaking music and thinking “wow, damn, this will totally be mo and i am Not Ready For It”

and when im spacing out im imagining a whole angst fanfic about when It Finally — Yet Unfortunately — Happens

tianshan has fully consumed all my time without me knowing

[delicioustrashlove]

To me : a honest open letter to my self. deep breath and open up and express 

What do you know . You went back there again and all though you held on super tight you couldn’t keep him could you? Of course not. You’ve lost your self every-time chasing him and you’ve never been able to catch him.

I thought I wouldn’t survive this one. I thought honestly I was not going to make something of my self . I whole heartedly was ready to give up . What ever happened happened and I could care less it’ll never be as bad as losing you. And I truthfully connived my self that my happiness only lied in your arms.

It took me so long to cry . Once I got back Colorado the reality of my new home, it was such a blur . For a while I pretended you died. To some how help my heart forget you. And thats all I wanted was to forget you. I deleted every picture and every single video .I blocked you on everything I could think of that youd have access to talking to me through . And for what . Just to black out once a week and tell you how much  I miss you and that I love you . I drank my self silly . I mean every event every party every outing I had to be there I had to be anywhere but in reality . Because reality meant no you. It meant what once was and will never be again,, reality meant excepting my feelings. And I wanted so badly to be tough and strong. I’ve gotten my heart shattered a million times by you , you’d think I would get easier . It didnt it was worse . I was so fully invested in you that life didnt exist with out you in it . I didnt know what that felt like anymore . I was so wrapped up In you so blind to reality . Loving you meant losing my self . I lost my self 4 times a year for 5 years trying to keep your heart. I broke my own heart letting you back in to my life so many times . I knew better . But the love I had for you was so much stronger . I couldn’t stay away . I also revolved my entire world around you , so when you where gone I felt so literally like the world was ending . I lost my whole life . I realize now thats not healthy . You have to always prioritize your health and well being before anyone . You have to love you before you love anyone. So wed break up id self destruct then Id put all my pieces back together the ones you broke. Id fix my self and I would get back on track I was moving on I was happy then just like that . One phone call at 10pm where you clearly to drunk to remember the conversation id be on a plane. Drop my job my home my family My friends … quite literally everything just to be with you . Just to love you. All I ever did in this world was so unconditionally love you. I thought I could hate you I did for a while . But I dont anymore . You where apart of my journey and it almost killed losing you but it was supposed to happen . It was part of the plan that god has for me. You coming int o my life brought so much love and bond that ill never feel with anyone else . I will never love someone the way I let my self love you. And when the lesson has finally been learned only then I can move forward to the next chapter. And your purpose in my life was love and lots of lessons and lots of growing . You think god doest hear your heart crying you think he gave up on you ya know , but he never did. In the end you’ll see there was such bigger picture. 5 years I spent going back to you and leaving you. Why did I always go back ? Because loved you but I clearly wasn’t seeing what god prepared for me. He wouldn’t believe his lessons or fallow his guidance so he kept bring ing me back to you so I could relearn and remember why I left and well you might be my soulmate your not meant to be in my story forever . Only a couple chapters . And once you’ve served your purpose to my life that god wants me to have experienced and learned I will be able to move forward. I first must let you go . And I finally am starting to. I got so unhealthy and so sad and so stuck and caused so many health problems to my body . So much that was almost to much to prepare. But I made a choice one day . I chose my self , and not you. I chose to love me and not love you anymore. I commented intently to my family and I mean really gave it my all. I learned that no matter what my parents wouldn’t never leave mom behind .and im going to everything in my power to be a good girl to them and build our love and our relationship . And I think that was gods purpose all along. You cant keep whats not for you . And I didnt understand that when we parted ways. I accept that now . And I know as I continue to stay on the right path god has such beauty waiting ahead for me… look how much I loved you and all I did for you imagine how much I will love the right man. I did alot. Every time we break up I have to fix my self . But I know now its all apart of the journey . All those trials with you just made me stronger it made me braver it made me wiser and it made men grateful for the good ones.  You breaking my heart was one of the best things to happen to me in the end. Because I never would stopped loving you I never would have left you behind. I would have always been your biggest fan and continued to love you till I ended up hating my self. You have the courage to set me free was the kindest thing you ever did for me. At the time I didnt get it but who I am now and what I ve accomplished for my self and how when you try really hard to be better and I mean really hard things kind of fall in to place. God smiles and says okay you deserve this you’ve learned you’ve grown . I manaaged to accomplish that goal of being close to my family . We are so close and we love trust and respect eachother so much . Our bond is very very strong . I managed to get my self too a doctor , I found out I complete sabotaged my health . And oh ya I have 14 allergies !!!!  And some of the effects of those allergies after time has caused a harmful build up to where I was 3 years away form being diabetic , my thyroid completely stopped working . Amplifying my anxiety and my depression . The last month. I was in az i would get sick a lot . Id eat something and get sick . The problem was I was so fuxking drunk all the time I didnt ever thing anything of it. I’ve destroyed my guy and its a blessing that wildly and randomly this doctor asked if she could test me . And we found a lot of issues and also got a lot of answers to a lot of my health issues. Im starting treatment for that . Ill be injecting my self every other day with medicine to help my body repair the damages I have done and it will also help fight allergic reaction and build immunity so this doesnt happen again . I also !!! Am taking my meds again . Different ones but im glad I chose to take this chance on them again . I figured if im going to  put my health and happiness first I dotn need to be drinking and If im not drinking a lot fo stuff is going to come to the surface and I don know how well ill be able to handle that reality. I also like I said thought. Was going to kill my self. I was so heartbroken so so so sad. I knew I needed help and I reached out and got. Now im happy and stable and I get out of bed and I have energy and im so present and to active. I work out everyday . I eat healthy and I lost some weight . My highest weigh t was 168 before our florida trip I got down to 147 , when worked for Linx I was 145 then after being with tj again my mental health went hay wire and I lost my self again . Completely lost. And when I got back to co I was 153 pounds …. I would shift from 145 to 147 … then I just stopped worrying about it and started doing something about it. I channeled all my sadness in to exercise . Im sad go work out im bored go work out im happy hey go work out get that good flow !!  Your angry you miss him what ever it was I worked out then it became all I could focus on cus I learned to love it so Much . I took on running again I put in the work . Things finally where falling into place . I was getting my self back and this time it was better then ever . Better then ever before . I unlocked this door and its been so beautiful. I one day weighed my self just to see assuming id be 145 I was 137 !!!! Wow !!! A week later I was 135 and today I am 133!!!!! Its so cool and feels so good to not be depressed not feel pretty in my clothes. And iliv Amy self. So much . I hope I start working at hooters soon and continue to have a great life. I finally got approved for unemployment and ally back pay and also and extra 13 weeks after mine runs out. Things are just happening . I wasn’t going to get any hadn’t outs . But I was at the bottom thats for sure and you know who was there ? Not tj not the guy you literally did everything for no not him . My mom and my step dad and my brother . They took me in . And it was hard and uncomfterable , but I just stopped going out stopped drinking as much . And did things for them no matter if they where mad at me or if it was awkward.i committed to being good fo them . And I knew it would take time . But little by little ive managed to accomplish all my goals . When I used to be the queen of quitting. I cant wait to see even more of what god has in store for me. And who I become . My skins cleaning up my body is losing weight I more active im healthy and im very in touch with my desires and my well being . I care and love and respect my self so so much. Its like a huge spiritual awakening. I love being alone . I dont feel like alone deserves me right now to be honest .Its gong to take a lot for me to love again but its okay . Not everyone deserves that form me anyway. I worked so hard to me this . To be who I am right now and I won’t let anyone take that away form me. You cause harm to my heart my well being just by !! If you disappoint me disrespect me or hurt me its done . You lost you dot meet my needs your not benefiting and there’s to many many and women on this planet . Ill never waist my time on the wrong one . Ever again. I respect my self to much to put someone over me! And I stand by that now and forever!!!  The new be is bette then ever and its gong to take a hell of a person to change my relationship status . And that cool im honestly not even interested . I dont care to date or hang out or hook up or even have sexual contact with anyone . Im so content with me myself and this beautiful transition im goin through I just want to focus on me and my family and my health. Because this is what its all about. This is what living is. this is life. This is beauty . This is whats important. I feel like im living . And im happy and im only going to get better and better. Thank you god for this life and thank you for giving me the strength to turn the page and start a new chapter on life. I fully trust you and the processs. And that brings me back to “god will never leave you behind” I needed to learn all those things that all may mistakes have taught me . And god has a way of constantly bringing things back Into your life if it has not yet served its purpose or taught you what you needed to learn.  I see that now. Positive mind set is very powerful . Loving your self is amazing and living through god is the best thing you can do . I will always you tj and I will always in some way wish there was a me and you forever .but I cant ever betray my self like that again. That door is officially closed.  See I thought my life was over when you said our relationship was over. But really it had just begun. Everything happened for a reason exactly how its meant to happen . Losing you meant I could finally find my self. It just lit up the path .  God bless <3 no angry  im happy and im I accept this and I forgive my self and you . Life is so Beautiful .

Some one very wise once said … -Life is not about how much you hurt its about how much your willing to suffer. ~VP

Im not willing to suffer any longer.  Except it feel it and then forgive and move forward.

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

[luminaxandra]

So here's an interesting au thing #RichDeku au

-Izuku is Quirkless

-Katsuki bullies deku because of it

-one day at the rooftop of the school katsuki accidentally pushed Izuku off the roof when he and a few other bullies with fighting him

-luckily izuku survives but his legs are now crippled and unusable, He uses a wheelchair now

- Katsuki regrets this alot

-Izuku's dad is a super rich guy who died and gave all his money and resources to Inko

-inko never used them until izuku legs were crippled

-Izuku's dad bought him an entire building before he died and placed it under Izuku's name

- Izuku's dad was a very successful Information broker for both Heroes and Villains.

-Izuku becomes the succesor of his late father's job and opts to live in the building with his mom while hiring a few mercs to keep guard. He's never leaves the building since

-Katsuki becomes Izuku's self proclaimed body guard (he actually gets paid tho). But still wants to be a hero

- Izuku and Katsuki apply for ua as a duo

-Izuku doesn't leave the building but instead uses holographs and tiny flying bug cameras to go out.

-Katsuki wears a chocker he calls "The Eye of Rah" thats actually a 360 camera for deku with a GPS tracker.

- his hero costume also has an eye on his forehead, its also a 360 camera

-Izuku becomes Katsuki's on battle informant and strategist

-he is also a skilled hacker

- Katsuki "YOU THINK YOU CAN HIDE FROM US INVISA-BITCH GUESS WHAT HIS EYES ARE EVERYWHERE and its infrared" que dramatic scene

- Katsuki "I have eyes in the skies and ears on the walls, no matter where you hide or what the fuck your hiding. DEKU will find it out for me. And then you'll die"

-They are basically the dream Support+Hero team.

-Deku has Bird cams, Fly cams, Spider cams, Dog cams, Cat cams, Mosquito cams and cockroach cams. He uses them to spy on people and you'll never know which ones are cameras cus they look and act so alike. The only way you'll know is if you squash them and robo parts come out.

- Izuku has already technically passed college level but chooses to stay at highschool level to support Katsuki.

-He is BASICALLY the bottom sugar daddy

- Katsuki "Money? All i have to do is snap my fingers and show my credit card and litterally every worker in this mall will kiss my shoes"

- phone suddenly rings "Kaachan~! I need you to get me a box no 3 BOXES of pocky~~~ thank youuuuu" hangs up

-Izuku has THAT MUCH MONEY also because he has alot of influence in high places

-Katsuki spends a lot on his Costume and wrist Braces.

- One day UA class 1-A & B go on a field trio to see the central of Information brokers, Midori Inc. Where people can come, sell their information, buy information, get an information network and hire a manager to handle to the networks. The Midori Inc looks like a building for the future ie, Holograms, Hoverboards, lots of glass tunnels for messages, robots, Uniformed informats.

-The reason why Midori Inc hasn't been forcibily shut down is because it has alot of dirt on the Goverment, Politics and almost every hero out there. You mess with M.I? Prepare to have your darkest deepesr secrets and weaknesses unveiled in broad daylight.

-All the workers including the robots call Katsuki "Young master Katsuki", Mitsuki "Mistress Mitsuki", Masaru "Master Masaru" , Inko "Madam", and Izuku "The Big Boss" even tho he is very smol

- The Bakugous and Midoriyas live on the same floor with different rooms but a big door connecting them both in the middle of it

- Izuku and Katsuki share a room with 2 big beds (They like to combine the beds) just incase Izuku needs help with anything.

- and yes, There are robot pets

- also yes #Dadmight

- the UA classes are #shooketh and they are provided with 2nd Class Building Clearence so they get to tour around the offices, training facilities and Science/IT labs. Where they meet Intern Hatsume Mei ❤

- But they don't have clearance to the Residence floors, The Private training facilities, The VIP training, Gym and spa facilities and the TOP floor where Izuku works

-Luckily Katsuki has Master Building Clearance so after (a lot of bribing) they check out the VIP Facilities and travel up to the top floor where they finally meet Midoriya Izuku in the flesh.

-And izuku is a Shy Smol Bab in which Katsuki likes to push around with his wheel chair (It's relaxing for him lol)

-Izuku's wheel chair is the top of the line Hover wheel chair with extra cushion and mobility (inko : Only the best for my baby izuku)

- it also has a tazer

- and a peper spray can

- Basically Izuku is Charles X without the super powers and More money 😉 and no teen students but a lot of grown up students who want to learn how to trade info

I had to put this up so i dont forget lol for myb next month or when i have free time 😂

[kurlykookster]

More Than Human

Pairing- Jungkook x reader 

Type- Mystery, supernatural, scary monster stuff I would say horror but I don’t think it’s good enough for that lmao.

Warnings- Swearing n’ stuff + violence and blood

Word count- 2,262

A/N- Sooooooooo, um this is a thing. hope you enjoy? happy 300 followers? 

I’ve been a bit busy being lazy lately and Forbidden Fruit is being a lil neglected, but dont you worry child, it hasnt been abandoned. I just basically have to first redo and adjust part 23 since I’m really unhappy with it and i’m probably gonna split it into more parts cus yunno, but it might take a while since i personally have an inner struggle when it comes to redoing things or starting over since it haunts me.

 | Masterlist |

Sleep was your one escape from the realities of the world around you, and you appreciated every unconscious second of it. Not that life was bad or anything, you were just eager to get a break whenever you could. Yet somehow you found your precious time of sleeping, being wasted awake. Why were you awake? Well, even you weren’t sure why.

Your eyes scraped around your room, but all they found was darkness. You couldn’t really see much since your curtains were closed and not even the moonlight or streetlights could graze the surfaces of your room. You strained to take a laboured breath and felt an unusual sense of weight on your chest, but it wasn’t just on your chest. Your body pelt pinned down by some unknown force and it constricted your breath, not enough to suffocate you, but just enough to keep you conscious.

As your body became more aware, something caught your attention, you could distinctly hear something that was not coming from you. A sickly wheezing, like that of a person trying to breathe through torn lungs, and that wheezing definitely wasn’t coming from you despite your own struggles to breathe. Your entire body froze, which you wouldn’t think was possible seeing as how you could not even move in the first place, and your hands became clammy as they tensed their grip on the bed sheets, which seemed like the best protection you were going to get according to the tiny fragment of what once used to be a child in your mind. You wished you were a child again, a small scream for your parents and they would come rushing to your side, lights on and strange monsters gone, back into their shadow dens. But no, you were grown and far from your saviours, no one to put your mind at rest and no one to get rid of that damned wheezing beast that with every nauseating breath caused a chill to run down your spine. So you stayed mute and meek under your sheets, terrified that if you moved an inch or made a sound, the unwelcome visitor would make itself more apparent than with just its breathing, if you could even call it breathing.

Your eyes pinned to one spot of darkness, praying to the dear angels that you weren’t looking straight at it, whatever it could be. Maybe it was just a very sick stray that made it into your room for shelter, or a burglar that decided to take a nap or something, maybe even a stalker that has very severe asthma and forgot to bring their inhaler. Who were you kidding; someone with asthma sounds nothing like that.

Time dragged on, what felt like hours were probably mere minutes, and your muscle begged for you to stretch them since the discomfort of staying still was almost too much to bear. You weren’t sure if you could even stay awake any longer, the darkness tempted you and the wheezing could lull you to sleep if it wasn’t so horrific. Maybe if you just closed your eyes and drifted off, this nightmare might just go away, but despite these thoughts your instincts and fear instructed you otherwise.

Something stirred outside your window, and it wasn’t some nocturnal animal kind of stirring. Someone’s boots scraped against the exposed brick walls of your home and clambered against it, closer and closer to your window. How could someone even climb the side of a two story house? Your thoughts raced through your mind. Had you locked the window before sleeping? Was it someone that could help you, or was it another wheezing beast coming to haunt you? The light breeze that showed up and drifted through the room confirmed one of your questions. You didn’t lock the window.

Your heart beat quickened, and the unwelcome creature occupying your room released a low dissatisfied gargle that came close to being a growl. The tension around you rose as the pressure on your chest became heavier and somewhat desperate. With one confident shove the curtains were moved to the side, moonlight and the shine of the street lamps came flooding onto the surfaces of the room, just enough to slightly make everything glow an off-white. You wanted to scream, not because of the intruder, but because of the dark looming silhouette that was pinning down your body. It was humanoid, but not human enough. Everyone one of its bones created a sharp edge as each one was wrapped tightly with pale skin, barely any muscle padding out its structure. It was far from malnourished; it looked more like it belonged six feet under the ground in some old forgotten cemetery. What looked like its forearm was dangerously close to your throat and its other arm was pinned on the wall behind your head. Before you could inspect the frozen creature further and scream for your life, the intruder that now stood at your window spoke up.

“Don’t move or make a sound if you want to live, it’ll make my job a whole lot easier... and cleaner.” He proclaimed with a huff as he marched over to you and your new sleeping buddy, not looking one bit exhausted from climbing through your window. You complied none the less and carried on doing what you had been doing the whole time you were awake. The guy stepped up onto your bed, dirty boots probably soiling your fresh covers, and you wanted to ask him what the fuck he was doing when he suddenly seemed to straddle the crouching creatures back, unfazed by its ghastly form. His arms came around its neck and torso as he steadied his footing on the mattress. The thing underneath him and above you released another sickening gargle filled with aggression, yet it still stayed absolutely frozen just like you.

“On the count of three I’m going to lift it off you and I need you to roll out from under it. Once you do, keep your distance but don’t leave this room. Got it?” you peered at his shadowed face but couldn’t make any signs of confirmation for him due to his previous instructions.  Adrenalin pumped through your body as your pulse quickened in anticipation.

“Ok, one…two…” before you could even blink he pulled the thing up and away from you. “Three!” you rolled to the side quicker than you had ever rolled out of bed before in your life and hit the floor with a thump. You scrambled to the furthest wall as the creature screeched and reached for you. You cupped the side of your arm with your other hand as your felt a warm trickle make its way past your fingers and onto the floor. The violent scramble that ensued on the bed made its way to the floor. The monster lashed at its opponent with a terrifying fury while the opponent swooped under with a slide and came back up with his arm pointed straight at its chest. The creature once again stilled, then slumped down where it stood as thick viscous liquid dripped down your saviours arm, it seemed that he had actually stabbed the creature with his bare hand, or claws rather as you came to realise when he pushed the creature off him and let it collapse to the floor with an dull thud. He straightened himself up and released a sigh as he inspected his arm that was covered in the disgusting liquid. He gave the creature a light kick and shook the fluid off his arm as much as he could, but then opted to use your bed sheets to wipe the rest off.

Your shocked gaze went back down to the thing on your bedroom floor. Its mangled corpse lay in the moonlight, its face lacking a nose and eyes and containing just a lipless gaping mouth that displayed uneven rows of barbed teeth. The rest of it was practically just bones, except one particular thing caught your attention. Its long forearms were sharp blades that tapered like a scythe and they had previously been dangerously close to your throat earlier, one move and you would’ve already been dead. Your eyes snapped away from the horrendous sight and searched for the man. He was already stood by your door with his head pressed close in attempts to listen for what’s on the other side.

You opened your mouth to speak “Wha-”

“There’s one more. Stick close until we find it.” He interrupted after pulling his head abruptly away from the door.

“Find it? What do you mean find it! We need to get away from it!” you harshly whispered.

“Fine, have fun having that thing come after you once you finally think you’re safe.” He began marching towards the window.

“Wait wait wait, what? Why is it even after me? And who are you?” you burst out, making him pause and turn back to you.

“The name’s Bond, James Bond.” He replied coolly as he put his hands on his hips and tilted his head. You gave him a blank stare that showed no signs of humour. He quickly changed the subject after seeing the lack of reaction from you and pulled you by the arm towards the door “Let’s go kill the thing and get this over with.” You gulped nervously as he quietly opened the door and revealed the looming darkness of the corridor. Instead of letting your mind freak out about what was waiting for you ahead, you opted to concentrate on his hand clamped around your bare arm that had streaks of dripping blood on it that was probably cause by the blades of the monster. The touch of his hand didn’t feel like skin, it felt leathery and firm and you could feel his claws gently press against your flesh. In that moment you realised that he too could not have been human, he had better stamina than any man and you could even say he had super strength, and let’s not forget how he wasn’t even scared of that thing. A normal human would run for their life, not fight it.

He checked every room on this floor in the darkness, you wouldn’t be surprised if it also turned out he had night vision. All rooms were clear and your heart raced with every step you both took. Next was downstairs and you dreaded that even more, knowing it would have to be down there.  Inevitably, he pulled you down the stairs with him, taking each step with caution and keeping an eye over the banister. You take another step and find yourself bumping into his firm back.

“Stay where you are.” He muttered and released your arm. Ahead of him you see what you were looking for; it was smaller than the one upstairs but looked just as terrifying as it stalked around on all fours. Its face was turned towards you despite not having any eyes, and its body seemed to hesitate when deciding its next move as it gravitated towards you.

“I don’t think so buddy, you have to come to me first.” He raised his voice at the creature as he ran towards it and tackled it to the floor with a force that sent both of them flying. It screeched in his ear and they wrestled on the floor while he did his best to avoid the sharp blades it had for arms. It was hard to make out exactly what was happening since there were no sources of light available to illuminate everything. Eventually after about a good minute filled with screeches, grunts and fighting, the creature gained the upper hand and pinned him down to the floor. The only thing his arms could do was keep the monster from slicing his head off. They both struggled against each other while he was stuck on defence and unable to make any other moves. Without a second thought, you picked up the nearest object as you ran, which happened to be a table lamp, and you smashed it against the things head with as much strength as you could muster. Your aim was to give him a chance to turn things around and he got just that when the creature stopped its actions and decided to target you instead. Unfortunately that was its stupid mistake when its throat was clawed open by the opponent it decided to neglect and just like the other, it dropped to the floor with a thud.

“I told you… to stay there…you… could’ve died!”  He barked out between desperate breaths.

“If I stayed there you would’ve died and in turn, I would’ve died!” you defended yourself, accusingly pointing the lamp at him. He sighed in defeat as he glanced back over the dead thing.

“Come on; let’s get out of here before more decide to turn up.” You widened your eyes at the word ‘more’ while he tiredly stretched and walked towards the front door.

“You’re gonna have to explain everything that’s just happened tonight yunno.” You demanded as you followed him to the door which he kicked down impatiently instead of looking for a key. “And I know your name isn’t James Bond, so fess up.” You tossed the lamp behind you as you walked after him.

He sighed once again in annoyance as he walked towards what seemed to be his car, a very classic red mustang with white racer stripes and fresh polish that glistened under the street lights.

“The name’s Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook.”

A/n- so um like, if you liked it and want more, tell me cus like idk if i want to make this into a series maybe? like i wont if no one’s interested but i think this would be an interesting thing to carry on? and if i do make this a series it wont mean that FF comes to a stop, like I’ll balance it out somehow????? and i have a cool idea for this too...

[the-werid-the-wild-the-panda]

Game of thrones

Ok so ive started watching game of thrones. Everynight with my older brother. Im creating these strings of posts to express my thoughts so far. Also im still learning names so if i dont refer to someone by there name its because i dont know their name or because i literaly still haven't put the name to the face so gimme time to figure out names.for the first 3 episodes all be blending them together because im on the forth episode and will be watching that tonight so i lm kinda doing this 2 days late.

Episode 1 and possibly 2and 3: that royal dick i really dont like him. Brah if there is dead mangeled bodies its a fucken sign to run. Run bitch. WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE BLUE EYED ZOMBIES. RUUUUUUN BITCH RUN.oh damn. Whelp. Bro said white walkers weren't real and they real.brah dont kill the dude hes talking the truth. Little kid likes to climb. Adorable. Must protech climbing boi.well ok i know keeping it in the family is a royal thing but really queen and her brother you have to. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU PUSH A SMOL KID OUT THE WINDOW. HIS 10 HES A BABY AND YOU HEARTLESS SON OF A BITCH PUSHED HIS ASS OUT CUS YOU CANT STOP DIDITLING YPU SISTER.IF HE DIES IMMA REACH THROUGH THE SCREEN AND BEAT YOU TWO WITH AND INCH OF YOUR LIVES. Why the fuck is the king obseesed brother such a fucken asshole.TELLING YOUR SISTER WHO IS TELLING YOU SHE DOESNT WANT TO MARRY MISTER HORSE CLAN AND YOU TELL HER YOUD LET ALL OF HIS MEN AND HORSES RAPE HER. YOU DESERVE TO BE PUNTED IN THE GRONE YOU COCK SUCKING LITTLE BITCH. ALSO YOU DONT UNDRESS YOUR SISTER AND TELL HER SHE HAS A WOMENS BODY YOU CREEPP!!!!!!!!horse clan dude is kinda hot and scarey.Very uncomfortable sex scean. Oh god i feel sad for her. Why does everyone refer to my favorite brother out of the northern family as a bastard.........oh thats why. Ok mama north hes just saying good bye to his brother. I get hes an embodiment of your husbands fault. But please dont be a dick to him. Let him do what good brothers do. Giving your sister a sword speaks the most pure and awe streaking brotherly love. I wish my brother gave me a sword. Adorable wolf doggos has grown into beautiful wolfs. Jaffery oh my fucken god. I hate you. So much. YOU THREATEN TO KILL A LITTLE GIRL YOU HEARTLESS BITCH AND YOUR MOM SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST ENTITLED BITCH. OFH NO HES GONNA HAVE A SCAR OH NO ITS A SMALL FUCKEN SCAR BITCH. AND ITS GONNA BE COVERD BASED ON THE FUCKEN CLOTHES STYLE LIKE SHIT.hey dragon egg chick and mister horse clan look like they are getting along. And shes picking up the language.but her brofher is still a dick. Pissing off the edge of the wall. Something i now want to put on my bucket list. Atlest there is one brother in the set that is actually fucken charming. Half stack is such a damn character. I hope nothing horrivle happened.also waiting for (brono i still dont know his name the climing boi) remebers what happened to him and why.also can the queen stop trying to murder this kid. Like bitch your assasin got numb by his doggo.

This has been a scrambled mix of my thoughts. From now on thou things will ne more orderly.

[xelere]

tw long rant cus i need to breathe

wow the fight i had with dad that made me depressed af.... i had it now with my white brother and his wife and partly with my mom too

they talked abt having their kids kidnapped would be the worst and i jokingly said ”haha thats me” cus i need to deal with it

and my brother starts to lecture me and then just completely insensitive says ”but werent you abandoned on the streets i dont think china-” oh here we go again

my kind but weak mom goes; ”no actually a police station” as if that was any better??? she has NEVER stood up for me, no one has. maybe she wants to and agrees with me cus shes the smartast in our family but she never had the GUTS to and the same for my other brother they be agreeing or at least UNDERSTANDING and maybe RESPECT me a little but nor enough to ever have mt back those fkn pussies

then we start to fight and i start to cry again cus im so FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY of having a white family and i CANT EVER REST I CANT REST ANYWHERE WHERE IS MY FUCKING SAFE SPACE CAN I BREATHE

and then his wife goes ”but linn.... now im getting angry you cant just accuse him of being subtle racist!!” and shes always quiet an i always thought she was lile smarter than my stupid brother but obviously.... not

and i just give up.... im a fcking minority in my own family. not to get too personal but my little sister would never have the guts to do this cus shes afraid of conflicts. i ALWAYS have to shut the fuck up in family reuinions. and just because i came with trauma, i was an angry and anxious baby, always screaming and thanks to that being labelled as ”problematic and annoying and angry” by everyone who didnt know how to handle me - thanks to that people STILL think they have the right to silence me. im a grown ass woman, im fucking 19 years old and everyone in my family still rolls their eyes at me and goes ”but linn....”

im so fucking tired. im so fucking tired. and i say that. i tell them im tired and that this is why i want to die cus thats exactly why and my brother starts to laugh and like.... accuse me and shit for not ving grateful cus he wants ro defend mom or smth like.... excuse me youre her fucking biolocigal son you have your own fkn mother right here and everyone in this ugly country looks and thinks wxacrly like you

honestly im too tired to write all this shit down cus i could go on for ages in literalky gonna WRITE A FUCKING BIOGRAPHY ONE DAY IM JUST SO FRUSTRATED I GOT NO FUCKING WHERE TO VENT GOD I HATW MY FAMILY I GET IT HAVING AN ASIAN ANTIBLACK CLASSIST HOMOPHPBIC FAMILY WOULD BE BAD TOO BUT LIKE....... at least it would be my family at least they would look like me and not be racist against me?

and what makes me the most sad is that my adoptive family is still better than like 90% the only difference eis that most adoptees dont dare to ”come out” like this, criticizing their own adoption bc ffs we’re terrified of being abandoned. its just....... theyre so fucing dumb. they dont know shit about racism or adoption and like.... thats kinda essential. no one repsects me in this family except for my mom but shes a fucking coward, always in the middle. everyone else talks down on me and i didnt notice like YESTERDAY DURING MY LAST BREAKDOWN THAT WASNT ABT ADOPTION BUT WAS ABT MY EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE DAD AND HOW I REALIZED HE ALWAYS TREATED ME AND MY SISTER LILE SHIT AND BLAMES MY TRAUMA ON ME SO NOW MY WHOLE FAMILY TREATS MW LIKE A PROBLEMATIC WEIRD KID

i want to leave this family so sad but i dont have any friends cus im too mentally unstable to keep friends and i also have a little sister i need to protest but FOR FUCKSS SAKE TOURE RUCKING 15 AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT BISEXUAL IS like im so done with her too, ive proteced her so much, just because i WAS the angry problematic kid i ALWAYS took the fights for thet cus shes a scared rabbit but she never give me a thank you, never says she appreciates it, always throwing me under the bus when dad accuse us of something and i used to accept it cus i know she was too scared of him BUT AGTER ALL THIS TIME AFTER EVERYTHING IVE DONE FOR HER SHES FUCKING 15 SHE KNOWS I HAVE HER BACK IVE BEEN PRTOEVTING HER EVER SINCE THEIR DIVORCE WHEB OUR GROWN ASS ADULT 21+ BROTHERS LEFT US AND I WAS LIKE FUCKING 11 YEARS OLD I PROTECETED HER AND I NEVER GET ANYTHING AND IF I STOP TALKING TO HER SHE WONT EVWR TALK TO ME BECAUSE THATS HOW ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS WORK

i lost all respect for my brother. i knew he was a racist dumbass but like.... he really sig there and laugh and accuse me and guilt trips me when i tell him his dumb ignorant ass is the reason i want o die. this is why i wanna fake my suicide so i can revenge them but i also dont cus then i’d just give in and be one of all those adoptees who commoted suicide and whos gonna fight for them IF NOT ME CUS I ALWAYS DO FKN EVERYTHING. this is also why i low key think i got bpd or smth cus i always want to kill ppl like my family or myself or why not BOTH

cant wait for tomorrow where i have to face everyone and were gonna pretend like NOTHING happened. you know why i came here with my mom and visited??? BECAUSE I WANTED TO TAKE A PAUSE FROM MY DAD AFTER THE SIMILAR SUICIDE THREATENING PANOC ATTACK FIGHT I HAD LIKE YESTERDAY

i just gotta accept tjat my family is totally shit right? i just gotta live through it? this is why i never wanna have kids in sweden. like yeah i’ll probably still be in contact cus im only human, i love my parents and my family ofc.... but like........ I AM NOT TRUSTING THEM. MY REAL FAMILY IS HONESTLY OTHER WOC ONLINE AND OTHER TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEES (the smart oens not the whitewashed ones i try not to blame them but im really fkn tired lf having to protest them and clean up and defend them)

i remember when i was like this every single day....... i DONT WANT IT TO COME BACK IM SO TIRED HOW MANY TIMES WILL I HAVE TO THREATEN WITH SUICIDE AND SHIT FOR MY FAMILY TO LIEK..... TAKE ME SERIOSULY NO ONE EVER HELPS ME I EVEN GAVE UP ON MY PARENTS I WANTED THEM TO READ ON RACISM BUT THEY REFUSED AT ELAST MY DAD, SO I KNOW I ONLY GO WITH STOP TRIGGERING ME BUT LIEK...... IVE THOUGHT SO MICH FOR MY MOM TO BE QHERE SHW IS TODAY WHOCH IS LIKE THIS COWARD BUT AT LEAST SHE CLMFLRTS ME AFTERWARDS AND IM TOO TIRED TO HAVE TO CONVERT AND EDUCATED MY WHOLE FKN FAMILY WHEN THEY DONT DO SHIT TO LEARN FOR ME

i just gotta smile and wave and pretend to love my brother when he didnt do shit when they divorced, mom got ptsd and i went through AT LEAST A THIRD ABANDONMENT, and he doesnt do shit now all he thinks about is how i accuse him of being racist cus he doesnt understand systems and structures which i blamed it on but tbh he’s the famiöy’s racist he really is hems always been cus hes so fkn stupid he’s joked abt muslims and chinese and black ppl and everything im only pretending its the systematic so my mom doesnt get angry lmao but he.... IS..... not ONLY like all the other white people..... but he IS...... for real

and giys..... i left so much of my anger out in this post cus im too tired and mt phone is gonna die but that vreqkdown i had recently....... i wrote like 50+ posts and theyre SOOOOO LONG and also more wellwritten im just saying to give you a perspektivet of how ISOLATED AND DESPERATE I AM IM DESPERATE BITCHES I HINESTLY THINK IM GONNA DIE IF I KEEP STAYONG HERE I WANT TO ASIA I WANT TO SOMEWEHRE MULTICULTURAL I WANT FRIENDS I AM GOING TO DIE IM GOING TO DIE IM DYING IM DYING AND IF IM DYING IM GONNA BRING DOWN MY WHOLE FAMILY AND EVERY WHITE PERSON AND EVERY NON ADOPTEE WITH ME

[therealjuicyaspeaks]

open letter to my man who was never really ‘my’ man.

January 7th 2015 was the first day back at church for the new year and that's when I met you. back track to september 2014.. you attempted to “slide in my dm’s” but you failed miserably cus I had no clue who you were. the day I met you at church was funny cus I completely dissed you and kept walking inside with my bestfriend. you were hanging with the boys that we fucked with so you just kinda got brought into the group - from then on you kept coming to church every Wednesday to see me. you would always go out of your way to try and impress me even though I was with someone at the time and everyone knew. one time we went to eat at Olive Garden after church and you sat right across from me so you could get to know me but I was on my phone the entire night because I knew what you were trying to do. I knew I was supposed to be with you cus you asked the server for a cup of hot water and you went to put your silverware in it cus restaurants “be buggin”, I was laughing the whole night after that. you knew I was with someone at the time but you didn't care, and i’ll always say that you took me from him. me and him were on and off A LOT but you were still there just waiting for your chance. March was rolling around and that meant my birthday. at this time I had so many emotions towards you that i’d never felt towards anyone; my previous relationship that was ‘serious’ had made me emotionally unavailable but with you everything changed.. I was in love with you before I knew it myself. you met my parents at my birthday dinner, you showed up with flowers for me and a card that said “to Kim K” cus you knew my obsession with her and all of our friends called us ‘kimye’ which was hella corny now that I think about it. we were so on and off because I wasn't ready to be serious like you were, you always told me “you deserve the world, diamonds, gold, and pearls” and I never understood it. I couldn't wrap my head or my heart around the fact that someone like you could love someone like me. I was a mess that came with so much baggage but little by little you would attempt to break down walls and you never gave up. I always got jealous over you holding the slightest conversations with girls because I know how easy it is to leave someone that's too complicated to be with and I didn't want you to go.  my trust with you was minimal cus i knew how friendly you were and girls like friendly. i wasnt easy to handle so i assumed you would leave me for one of them eventually because there was different ones so many times. May was approaching which meant your graduation. we weren't together at the time but I still took a picture with you cus I was happy for you. a couple days after your graduation, I was at your house and that was the first time I met your mom. I looked so bummy and wasn't prepared at all but she was so nice to me. we weren't together still and I didn't come to your house to try to fix things; I was leaving the state for the whole summer which meant I wouldn't see you again for a LONG time because you left to basic training for the army in july. I texted you the day before you left and that same day you finally said you loved me. I said it back with no hesitation. I didn't know what I was getting into with you being gone but I knew I wanted to spend my life with you. we were so infatuated with each other, we had the vibe that everyone looks for in a relationship. but the distance killed us. through my senior year of high school, we were so on and off but I never once attempted to move on from you. I hit my breaking point with you in june 2016. something about the military changed you and you became distant with me. I felt like I lost you but you were so good at giving me assurance that we would be find and everything would work out. a week later, we broke up and I wanted it to be for good. you attempted to reach out to me but I wouldn't give you the time of day because I knew had the conversations gone on for more than 5 minutes, i’d catch myself missing you again. you gave me your best wishes for college and that was the end. September 2016 I finally reached out to you cus of your birthday.. we ended up back together. you finally put a title on us. we were boyfriend and girlfriend after a year and a half of being emotionally invested into one another. 2 weeks later, I cheated with an ex. I don't know why I did it and i’ll probably never figure it out. I thought how could I love you if it was so easy for me to cheat? we broke up and you wanted to hate me. a month later I wanted to fix things, you gave me a chance but I knew it wouldn't be easy for you to forgive me so I stopped trying. we were done. all the plans we made were never going to happen. February 2017 - you led me on to believe that you did forgive me and everything would get better in due time, a week after talking to me you asked if I would consider marriage so you could have a bigger paycheck. this crushed me. everything we talked about was never really a plan for you. I cut you off. I pawned the promise ring you bought me and burned the letters that you wrote me in basic training.  2 months later, we were on again. this time we were both serious. I don't think there was a time that we were better than how we were now. over 2 weeks everything was back to normal, I had my bestfriend back. you might’ve been distant with me but I wanted to make everything work. April 28, 2017 is the end of our story for good.. I truly don't know where everything went wrong in these couple weeks because I thought I was actually doing good this time. you taught me how to love again and what it felt like to be in love. our relationship was no where near perfect but if I found you in another lifetime.. I wouldn't let you go. I wouldn't wanna do this over again but I would do it all over with you. my love for you is unconditional but not timeless. I felt you falling out of love with me. I knew youre feelings weren't as strong as mine this time. I need closure but I know I cant get it from you. I wasn't there for you physically like you wanted but I needed you emotionally and you were gone. from September 2015 to April 2017 you changed. I was in love with who you were and the man you were becoming but I don't think you still felt the same towards me. you have love for me but you don't love me like I love you. so with this, i’m letting you go. I don't want to but I know you need me to. I know I'm holding you back and that was never my intentions. I hate that I cant be who you want and what you need because that's what you are for me. i never truly understood us but i dont think you did either. but after everything we put each other through..you wont find someone who loves you more than I’ve grown to in these past 2 years; I just hope she gets pretty damn close because YOU deserve the world, diamonds, gold, and pearls.

[avghisms]

All of them please!! I'm curious OTL

gee well fine 1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? go out with friends or paint maybe lol2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned? i luv this lil black dress my ex gf gave to me!! 3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue? idk something creative tho like candle making 4. What does your perfect room look like? VERY PINK AND VERY CUTE 5. How often do you play sports? I dont!! im too lazy!! 6. What fictional place would you like to visit? Idk 7. What job would you be terrible at? probably customer service which i was terrible at 8. When was the last time you climbed a tree?probably like last week hahaa 9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for? being cute 10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have? i bite my nails when im anxious but i also hate loud breathing :// 11. What job do you think you'd be really good at? nursing or counselling!! 12. What skill would you like to master? writing or something 13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? travelling to somewhere really sunny with my friends ❤14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like? kinda petite bungalow with a big porch and on a beach!! 15. What's your favorite drink? black coffee cold water B))) 16. What state or country do you never want to go back to? belfast.... 17. What songs do you have completely memorized? a lot 18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in? n/a life is good enough 19. What do you consider to be your best find?matthew mcdonnell cus hes a saint 20. Are you usually early or late? early! 21. What pets did you have when you were growing up? an evil cat and a hamster 22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with? just their emotions i guess or for a line of reasoning/second opinion 23. What takes up too much of your time? sleeping ahh24. What do you wish you knew more about? people 25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years? where them gay girls at 26. What are some small things that make your day better? my friends nd my cat :')) 27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to? hayley kiyoko/mystery skulls28. What's the best way to start the day? black coffee and a cigarette29. What TV shows do you like? not many at all :0 30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should? anna channel 31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished? my mama and my best friend 32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently? 16 tbh33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? noneee ahh 34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend? going on a trip w my friends to the beach!!! 35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without? gourmet coffee 36. What is your claim to fame? when i turned 16 i became a lot more open minded and forgiving. with a lot more empathy and willingness to see beauty in everything. positive vibeeeesss. 37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way? essays even tho i get wankers cramp 38. What's your favorite book or movie genre? i like rom coms 39. How often do you people-watch? idk what that means but sometimes i see pretty people and im happy 40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about? my lifeee 41. What's the best day of the year? all day every day in july 42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of? occultism 43. How do you relax after a long day of work? napping 44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched? jane the virgin 45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home? france!! 46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen? forgiveness and reconciliation. compromise. 47. What is the most annoying question people ask you? "who do you have a crush on?" "Will you meet this guy?" 48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation? psychology or biology 49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? create a beautiful eutopiaaaa 50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? reflect 51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting? hand gliding 52. What's your dream car? a pink one 53. What's worth spending more on to get the best? makeup 54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get? IDK DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS 55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? travelling a lot more !! meeting new friends 56. Where is the most interesting place you've been? île de adam 57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it? art work 58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week? free coffee 59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again? Steven universe omg 60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have? hair dresser 61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see? idk... 62. How different was your life 1 year ago? it was extremely different, i was extremely different. it was kinda hellish and im glad im so different now. 63. What quirks do you have? always drinking coffee n being weirdly generous 64. What would you rate 10/10? hayley kiyoko 65. What fad or trend do you think should come back? baggy jeans 66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen? me 67. What kind of art do you enjoy most? dark abstract 68. What do you hope never changes? me 69. What city would you most like to live in? bordeaux70. What movie title best describes your life? love, actually 71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now? i don't work am lazyyy 72. What's the best way a person can spend their time? being kind 73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make? a pipe74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been? bed or beach 75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you? winning the lotto 76. Where would you rather be from? france77. What are some things you've had to unlearn? self-hatred, loathing and accepting abuse. i had to unlearn a lot. 78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months? swedennn w my love 79. What website do you visit most often? www.google.com 80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford? break stuff 81. Where do you usually go when you have free time? the park or someones house lol 82. Where would you spend all your time if you could? a beach 83. What's special about the place you grew up? absolutely nothing 84. What age do you want to live to? 60 85. What are you most likely to become famous for? cult leader 86. What are you absolutely determined to do? to be the best person i can be and to be positive!! 87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? understand most things. 88. What do you wish you knew more about? the world. 89. What question would you most like to know the answer to? why did you lie? why did you treat me so horribly and yet retained a complete victim complex? What happened to make you so fucking monstrous? What put you out of your way to humilate me worse than anyones ever done before, all the while pretending you cared? 90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person? why are we here? 91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major? recently, everything changes! 92. What's the best compliment you've ever received? too many heck "you have taught me so much" "you have a beautiful soul" "you're angelic to me" (all platonic btw romance is bullshit) 93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do? try to survive. Befriend animals! 94. Who inspires you to be better? my mom and JESUS 95. What do you want your epitaph to be? honest 96. What haven't you grown out of? some grudges 97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in? at a dinner table 98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well? trying to make friends 99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about? probably transformation 100. What's something you will never do again? trust so openly 101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future? i don't. I think im good now. 102. What keeps you up at night? the possibilities!! of life! 103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had? i deserve better 104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done? driving w/o license 105. How do you get in the way of your own success? laziness 106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? im dont generally care about what other people think of meee... 107. What is your biggest regret? Making the wrong decision and losing something that could've been great.. 108. What do you look down on people for?being indirect and bitchy 109. What bridges do you not regret burning?there have been a lot of abusive people who im so glad ive been able to get rid of bc they were like poison. 110. What lie do you tell most often? "i only had like 4 beers" 111. What would be your spirit animal? a cat lol112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older? learning aand experiencing is the best but moving on is the worst 113. What are you most likely very wrong about? politics 114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it? pink 115. What's happened that changed your view on the world? uhh generally being loved and appreciated for who i REALLY am and therefore being able to become a good person with good people surrounding me 116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned? trust no one. 117. What is the most immature thing you do? get rly drunk nd become all rude n dumb 118. What are you famous for among your friends & family? giving advice and support 119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be? rotting human flesh 120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have? always being the bigger person or trying to. 121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die? a real relationship a baby and a good job! 122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self? trust no one. no one in ur life is gonna keep ur trust except ur mom n Matthew. 123. What's the best thing you got from your parents? love uwu 124. What's the best thing about you? seeing tje beauty in everything 125. What blows your mind? life in itself 126. Have you ever saved someone's life? yes 127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at? writing ehehe 128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like? like me? long dark brown hair on a short girl wearing a pink hoody n black jeans?? 129. What are 3 interesting facts about you?im left handed, im psychic and im strong owo130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it? the big fucking gash on my right leg 131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life? happiness is....... 132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life? september 4th 2016 133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned? dont trust him 134. What do people think is weird about you?im always confused 135. What mistake do you keep making? USIMG CUPS AS ASHTRAYS 136. What have you created that you're most proud of? A LOT OF PAINTINGS 137. What do you doubt? that people are truly sorry.138. What are some of your morals? always be honest w those u trust, give everyone a chance, dont judge, forgive with ur heart. 139. What do you want to be remembered for?loving and being loved 140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years?n/a 141. What is your favorite fragrance? jasmine anr roses and ylang ylang aaa142. What do you think your last words will be?noo letsnnot 143. Who or what do you take for granted?my schoool144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate?eat a LOT 145. What is something you're insecure about? IM NOT yay 146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received? best: never be ashamed. worst: drink green tea to cure epilepsy 147. What irrational fears do you have? being alone, 148. What makes a good life? love 149. What's the last adventure you went on? idk man 150. What is the most memorable gift you've received? my granpas snuff tin 💖